If you're interested in the talk I did last night, or were there and are interested in whjat the plan actually was, it's up on Ballad of dissatisfaction here. Page is SFW, links (obviously) NSFW. If you cd comment there not here I would be very happy indeed...

 queer cabaret this sat yay!

 1) I LOVE YOU ALL, for being caring and supportive and generally just fucking wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without you, i really don't. Thank you so much to everyone who commented or texted - you did *so much* to help restore something approaching sanity, so thank you.

2) Spoke to managers/landlord's agents - it's them that demanded compensation for last time, and are being cagey about putting things in writing; i don't even know who the landlords are, given that my contracts are signed 'on behalf of Hockley Lodge Ltd' and nobody except old people's homes in Ireland come up when i google that.. Anyway, they said they sent their plumber in yesterday (while I was out, and without telling me: are they allowed to do that??) and apparently my shower door leaks, or doesn't fit properly, or something (I noticed that before, but as I hardly ever use the shower, seemed little point in kicking up a fuss about it; certainly the floor always does seem to get very wet when anyone showers) so they claim the leak did come from my flat. They're sending another plumber in tomorrow or thursday to sort it out. Am a bit confused over previous tenant's compensation claim, as they're claiming 160 for a nintendo console plus a game, which Grace who knows all tells me is way over the odds. (Also, contents insurance? I have insurance now, too! might that cover it? Am i still liable if they don't have any?) Eep. They weren't blaming me in a nasty way, tho, yet...

3) Just ftr, because I don't want false sympathy, I'm pretty sure I don't have an ongoing anxiety disorder. I do have a very strong trauma/stress overdrive response which is apparently common for people in/coming out of abusive/traumatic/destablisising situations or relationships, and i'm officially mildly anxious and mildly depressed, but certainly not in any kind of day-to-day debilitating sense, and it'd be denigraing the bravery of those of you who do have such things to claim  I suffer at any equivalent level.

4) did i mention i loved you all? xxx

 With the police (for failing to talk to each other, keeping me waiting 3 hrs, telling me contradictory things, etc) but mostly with Darren, for accusing me of having Munchausen's syndrome. Since I told him I didn't want to talk to him any more, he's sent me 15 messages (unanswered), 3 phonecalls (unanswered), an email, a facebook message (from his cat!)  plus references incl. 'flatten the litle cunt', and 'nothing more offensive than being ignored' on Twitter, all variously threatening, pleading and affectionate, and he accuses me of being unbalanced and lying to manipulate people. 

This being the man that told Jim & Joanna outright I'd forbidden him to go tomorrow, told Grace God knows what, lied about a significant number of my friends and their relationships to me, told me at least one of my friends was in love with him, broke into my facebook twice at least, locked me out of fbk and Twitter, told me Tone was convinced I was having an affair with Farren and was pestering him with phonecalls about it, plus a selection of other lies...

PLEASE SOMEBODY, TELL ME I'M NOT MAD AND HA THIS CONSTITUTES UNREASONABLE BEHAVIOUR? I mean, it's not normal, is it, doing all that stuff? I'm not really Munchausen-y?

*headdesk*

please help, i'm doubting my own sanity here. :o( xx

 Dear interwebs, am aiming to have first draft of porn paper ready by next tuesday latest, to edit wed/thur for conf on fri. Is there anybody who'd be willngto read it over between sunday and wednesday (depending on how efficient I am!)  and give feedback? Some familiarity with art relating to /the discourses of either feminism or kink preferable but not essential, and tbh i'm struggling to think of anyone on my flist to whom nether of those applies anyway. So, priddy priddy please? email me at sasha underscore garwood at hotmail dot com if for some reason you'd rather not comment in public here!

 Rantette of the day is over the boots ads with the slogan  'losing weight is the best thing I've ever done', and here is why. Many reasons, see fbk, but quite apart frommy own personal gnarghhh,  here's a few:
( cur for possible ED/food triggerage )

 

 

( Orhan Pamuk- the Museumof Innocence. Note thetact with which i did *not* spend the whle review ranting about how unlikeable the main character is... )

 

( Leanne Shapton -Important Artifacts. I am evangelistic about this novel. )

 

( Edmund White - City Boy. Includes dirty jokes about my sexual predelictions and attempts to say 'it's all about sex, really, read it for the blow jobs!' subtly. )