posted by [identity profile] delkaetre-ni.livejournal.com at 08:07pm on 23/11/2009
I think I sort of get where you're coming from. If the body isn't going to be the hourglass, then there is no point eating for that- but you can instead choose not to eat and have the *other* shape, the boy shape, that shows up everywhere.

The Boy does show up in a lot of places... but most often for perfume and other things that don't really involve having an actual body. The Hourglass shows up as soon as you need flesh to put things on- underwear, nice footwear, full lips for a proper pout. These do seem to be the only two bodyshapes available in media.

There's a lot you can do with clothing, though, instead of avoiding food. Clothing can make you look thinner or fatter, flatter or curvier, good posture helps massively with having/not having a stomach. Are you be able to try actively spotting the times you're slipping into the foodless habits and instead deliberately change your look with clothing and posture instead?
 
posted by [identity profile] sashagoblin.livejournal.com at 12:28am on 24/11/2009
*wry* honey,i'm so way ahead of you wou wdn't believe. A lot of the point of this isstillthe psychological security fromnot/eaing weight loss - if it comes to it and look at my body for itself, it's well, ok. I'd rather it curved more, but it could be worse.It functions.It's hypersexual. there are good things. But a lot of this is about my body as a represenative of myself, to myself - and here we get allthe social ideals i don't fit and feel i should about self-denial and he ilk. i can dress it how i like - but a) i still have to either, eg, avoid short skirts, which i've always worn and feel like 'me', or worry about my thighs, which is a restraint i've never had before, b) feel like i'm hiding my hideousnessbut i'll get found out and everyone will [insert unpleasant disdainful reactionof choice here], and c) not have the euphoria/conidence of starvation. (And i have scoliosis, and a retroverted uterus. Flat stomach does not = standing straighter, it only =being empty. sucks,but there you go. just one of those weird anatomical things.)

you havea point, but given that a you say i only have any hope of achieving equivalent approval one way, it makes no diference. And you get some *horrendously* skinny underwear models. And the girls inmuch mainstreammusic video don't even bear thinking about...

None of this s about whether or not i'll seriously starve again. I haven't,i won't, i've been there and I can't be fucked. But i am deeply insecure about who this makes me and the body it'll give me.
 
posted by [identity profile] sashagoblin.livejournal.com at 12:46am on 24/11/2009
and thank you, for your thoughts and your reasurance.:o) x

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