Like a Can Opener in a Worm Factory

On the one hand you write (repeatedly) about ED in terms of flying and intensity. On the other, it's 'no energy', 'misery and uselessness', being 'too empty and ill to engage properly', 'hunger is distracting'. I find it hard to see how the two aspects coexist.

[or, when you talk about flying, I almost feel for a moment that I can grok the attraction of EDs, if some people are wired to get that high off hunger. Fortunately my own experience of hunger has always been the distracted uselessness, so I've never been tempted to explore!]

As for El's point: well, obviously your feeling of social pressure is almost-but-not-quite dissociated from what any of your friends really think/say. I wonder how that applies to NY; maybe even the New Yorkers don't really want you to look a certain way.

Also, as always, struggling to follow how all your different explanations/justifications of ED combine. I can just about follow the internal logic of one at a time, but that's it.

As for 'painfully thin' -- well, it makes sense to those of us afraid to hug you in case we break something;)

unscreening is fine